This week had me reflecting on how my husband and I spent our time together before we got married. We dated a lot and made many great memories along our way. We were eager to get to know each other on a deeper level than just “friends.” I wanted to know everything about my husband and he wanted to know everything about me. We both genuinely had that desire to know those small details that made us who we both were. This was the beginning of our “love map.” In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, Gottman (2015) states, “… a richly detailed love map-my term for that part of your brain where you store all the relevant information about your partner’s life” (p. 54). This map gave us a strong foundation to build our relationship.
When my husband and I got married our “love map” kept growing with each new experience we faced as individuals and as a couple. A few years into marriage we started our family and boy did that change things up with our mapping skills. We had a few adjustments we had to learn to deal with once we had kids. Our biggest thing is time. It was a lot easier for us in those beginning years of marriage to set time aside to go on dates and spend time together without interruptions. I have noticed that if I/we plan something in advance and put it on our calendar than it happens. I strongly believe that the love map we had been creating all these years protected our marriage as we made those major adjustments. We had a deep understand of each other’s wants, desires, fears, and struggles. How grateful I am that we took the time start our love map early on. I know that it has blessed our marriage and our family. I look forward to continuing adding more details throughout our marriage.
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Harmony Books.
Strong Marriages Leads To Strong Families 