In reading about the Gottman’s research, we learn that that strong marriages have strong friendships as one of their defining characteristics. In fact, Gottman (2015) states, “At the heart of the Seven Principles approach is the simple truth that happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.” (p.21). There are many reason’s why keeping that friendship going makes for a healthy marriage.
I think of my best friend growing up. The two of us were inseparable, we did everything together. If she was going through some type of heartache, my heart felt pain for her. If I accomplished something I was working on, she felt joy and happiness for me. We understood each other on many levels. We respected one another’s opinions and valued the others advice when given. We genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. Sure, we hit some rough patches, but our friendship was more important to us than those disagreements.
Deciding to marry someone doesn’t just happen overnight. I think all successful marriages start off as friendships. I met my husband when I was 16 and we started out just as friends. We enjoyed the same type of activities, had similar humor, and just got each other. Three years later that friendship had progressed. He would go out of his way to do sweet little things for me because he knew I loved that. I found myself naturally wanted to just be better around him. I felt like we brought out the best in each other. It wasn’t just about physical attraction, it was much deeper than that. It was those little tender moments we shared together, it was the laughs we had, it was the longing to see each other again, and it was that man cheering me one even when I fumbled. Though, it is a different relationship than the one I had with my best friend, they share many similarities.
If I take the time to nurture the “friendship” in my marriage, I know when trials come it will be easier to brush them off. Gottman (2015) said it best, “Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse.” (p.22). I think that if more people realized just how important friendship is in a marriage, we would see a lot less divorce and happier marriages.
Strong Marriages Leads To Strong Families 