Covenant Marriage

This week I learned more about covenant marriages. I tried to think about my own marriage as I read different talks on this topic.  One talk I loved was given by Elder Bruce Hafen (1996) titled, Covenant Marriage.  I strongly recommend his talk to anyone considering marriage or is currently married. I was sealed to my husband for time and all eternity in the San Diego temple nearly twelve years ago.  I remember that day very vividly and had that same happiness on my face that was mentioned in his talk.  I thought, “Our marriage is going to be perfect!”  That was the young newlywed girl thinking.

Our marriage was going great, but as we started to adjust to our new lives together as a married couple, we hit a few bumps along our way.  We soon realized the difference between having a covenant marriage verses a contract marriage. Hafen (1996) said it best,” When troubles come to a covenant marriage, the husband and wife work them through… Contract companions each give 50 percent; covenant companions each give 100 percent” (p.1). We could have easily given up on our marriage over petty disagreements; we had friends that did just that.  We loved each other though and we made a covenant not only to each other, but most importantly our Savior. We knew that those things could be fixed and they were minor in the big scheme of things. We chose to address any issues we were having and committed to work on them. Our marriage was too important to us to let minor things get in our way.

Hafen (1996) suggests that there are three kinds of wolves that test every marriage. The first is natural adversity, the second is one’s own imperfections, and the third is excessive individualism. An example of a natural adversity that happened early on in our marriage was having a new born baby with many medical needs.  It was a scary time of uncertainties and we very easily could have gone down that deep dark hole. In fact, I was told by many medical professionals that the divorce rates are extremely high when parents have a child with special needs. My husband I decided that we were not going to be a statistic and we turned for our Heavenly Father for strength and comfort.  I am so glad we supported each other during that time because our daughter brings unmeasurable joy into our family. There were times where I found it hard trying to juggle all my responsibilities and felt I was not doing my job as a young wife and mother. That mean wolf tried hard, but my husband was great at reassuring me that I was doing a great job. I could have allowed my own imperfections tear apart my marriage, but again, I going to let that happen. Those early years of marriage were learning years for us.  We learned that we needed each other and nothing was going to happen if we didn’t work as a team. Excessive individualism wasn’t so hard for us because we learned early on the need to help one another.I look back and see how many times those “wolves” tried to creep into our marriage and I know they will continue to do so if I/we allow them to.

I am grateful for my covenant marriage to my eternal companion. A covenant marriage means even with trials, we will still fight for those sacred covenants we made kneeling at that alter in San Diego nearly twelve years ago.  We can realize the strength we possess and know that we are not alone in our marriage.  We have each other to lean on for support and the best compass to guide and direct us, our Lord and Savior.

Hafen, B. C. (n.d.). Covenant Marriage. Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/general-               conference/1996/10/covenant-marriage?lang=eng